Sometimes I Ramble

Do you ever wonder why people do the things they do? Why do they do things the way they are doing them when clearly, from your perspective, there are better ways to accomplish the task? Admit it, we all do. If you have a little bit of control freak going on inside, then you are probably better at it than others. (By better, I mean you do it more than...) If you're not one of these, or you try not to let other people's business get into yours, you may be less judgmental. Is that a harsh word? We are all judgmental to a point, but at what point is it a problem?

For the record, I pride myself in not being judgmental. What other folks do or don't do is not something I have time for, or I am interested in. I have my own life to live, my way. How you live yours is completely up to you. If you ask my opinion, it is sometimes hard for me to concoct one because I have trained myself to NOT be 'judgmental'. I go to great lengths to stay out of other peoples business. It's often to the point when you start sharing something with me that I feel is none of my business....I sort of quit listening because...well....it's none of my business! Probably not the best quality. I used to be a great listener....now I'm not so sure. (For the record, I'm a great secret keeper ;)

Here's my theory on what is ok and what is not.....and then we'll move on to the real reason I started this post. When you are analyzing someone's behavior as it pertains directly to you or your family, pets, properties, etc., I don't think that is wrong....personally. If someone is doing something that will have a negative or even positive effect on 'you and your own', wouldn't it be in your best interest to judge or 'analyze' how their actions may affect you? To me that is ok, because it directly relates to 'you and your own'.

On the other hand, looking down on someone or conversing with someone else about how you would act if you were them, or going so far as to suggest how they 'should' be acting, is maybe... judgmental. Whether it's how you would do it, or what you would do is irrelevant and at that point you're basically in someone else's business. THIS to me, is judgmental. The exception would be if they were asking for your opinion or advice. Then, by all means, tell them what you think!

To me, this is an uncomfortable subject because I have been 'judged' my entire life based on how most people view me from the outside. (Or at least I feel as though I have) Is it a good thing or a bad one? I don't know. It boils down to my perspective of what they think of me, and I feel judged, until the moment that their thoughts are actually shared with me. It's those insecurities about what we do with our own lives that make us constantly second guess our choices and wonder what others will think. Sadly, sometimes our choices are affected by our perspective of what others will think or say, especially in today's media focused world.

Where am I going with this? Because I was bullied growing up as a country girl in the city, I spent a lot of time alone, had no friends that I hung out with, and basically hated my childhood. It wasn't a bad childhood, but I hated being where I was, far away from everything and everyone I knew and loved. My parents divorced when I was 6 and I moved to California with my mom. I lived for every moment I could come back home to Utah and be with my dad. Each weekend we would go camping and horseback riding in the mountains, and though I didn't always love having to do that, being away from the mountains for so long, gave me an unparalleled appreciation for the outdoors. My 'perspective' changed as I matured.

The problem with going to school 800 miles from home is that I became the kid that nobody knew in my hometown too....so my social life growing up consisted only of family. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had friends, but I also began to learn things that I may not have had the time for had I been more social. With each new hobby came more confidence to try the next one, and before long, I was labeled with 'she can do anything'. Can we please set the record straight.... I can't do 'anything', but there is nothing I won't try if I have the desire to try. And just having the guts to actually try 'anything' is half of the battle. With each of those accomplishments comes a little more confidence to try the next. Did I gain a new talent, or suddenly have a skill show up out of no where? No. I just worked to develop them. What changed then? Why can I now do things that I couldn't before? The 'perspective' I had of myself is what changed. I began to believe in myself even though I had been made fun of for being who I was, even though the interests I had as a child were different from other kids my age. I rose above the negativity.

As a child, you just want to fit in. I never did. Mentally, that builds a character trait that I can't explain. Instead of viewing myself as the outcast that I truly was, I chose to ignore those thoughts and just be who I was. I am weird! My children will be the first to tell you that. From someone else's 'perspective'....I am weird, but from my own, I am who I chose to be and I am happy being that person, and doing the things that I love to do. Their perspective of me, is theirs, and no longer has an effect on how I feel about myself because it's none of my business. And....even though my kids will be the first to tell you I am weird, they love me, so there's that :)

What then is the point of this post? I am happier now than I have ever been because I do not let what others think affect how I live my life. I am living my life, the way I want, doing what I want, and enjoying every minute because I don't worry about others business, or their views of me. 

Somewhere along the way, we all seem to get sidetracked with guilt of one form or another for what we do. I am far from perfect in many aspects of my life, but I am working on bettering myself, loving myself and building my own confidence to hopefully improve myself in those areas. For me, I find the most comfort in the outdoors. There's just something about fresh air and mind clarity that makes everything better.

Find the person in you that is happy. Do more of what makes that person happy. Love that person, and the rest will be a piece of cake!